Add people you want to know to your CRM with your favorites, and at events act as if everyone is already a friend.
The idea
A reader asked a great question: "What do you do with the people you want to have a better relationship with? The aspirational ones?" After trying a number of things over the years, I landed on a simple answer. Act as if. It's a principle out of cognitive behavioral therapy and the Law of Attraction. Energy precedes manifestation. Act as if you're already the right candidate for the job instead of fretting that you need it. Treat the relationship as if it already exists.
How to do it
After a first call where you think "I'd love to work with them, and also invite them to every birthday party for the rest of my life," add them to your CRM.
Put them in the same group as the people you already have a great vibe with.
When you decide who gets more of your time and attention, include the people you'd like to enjoy and value, alongside the ones you already do.
At events, drop "how can I prove I belong here." Act as if everyone in the room is already a friend and colleague.
Example
I've long struggled with impostor syndrome, most of all at conferences, where my social anxiety already peaks. So I tried a different approach. Instead of trying to prove I belonged, I acted like everyone there was already a friend and colleague. Sure enough, I walked out with more friends and colleagues than from any conference before.
Relatable: In Relatable that means putting aspirational people in the same sphere as the people you already love spending time with, so they share a cadence. Any list you actually review will do. How-to: Create and organize spheres, Set how often you want to stay in touch.
Related frameworks
Gap vs. Gain: Beat impostor syndrome by listing what you've already accomplished instead of how far you have to go. Then send the email.
A/B/C Spheres: Sort everyone into three tiers by gut feeling (love, like, don't know) and spend more time on A's than B's, and more on B's than C's.
The Ego Wall: The urge to prove your worth to someone "above" you is the barrier. Picture them as an ordinary person and ask a human question.
The Introvert Playbook: Find your social power zones, prepare ahead, peel people off into calmer follow-ups, or skip the room and become the host.