In hard times, say you're thinking of them, don't ask for updates, and make a specific offer instead of "let me know if you need anything."
The idea
Crises make people feel completely alone, even inside a sea of "thoughts and prayers" posts. Hard moments are also when we're most vulnerable, and hearing from someone who clearly isn't there to talk business means a lot. You don't need answers or a fix. What people want most in chaos is to know they're not going through it alone. Showing up is the value.
How to do it
Send a simple "Hey, just thinking of you" to anyone you know who's affected.
Don't ask for updates or details. They'll share if they want to.
Skip "let me know if you need anything." If you have something to offer, name it: "I have an extra room if you need it."
When the uncertainty is broad (an economy wobbling, a whole industry in limbo), lead with curiosity and leave the predictions to the pundits.
Keep it low pressure, and keep checking in. Small, regular touches beat one grand gesture.
Example
When Los Angeles was burning in January 2025, I recognized landmarks from growing up just south in San Diego. My first instinct was to scroll and thumbs-up friends' posts. But I can do better than that. And so can you. Years ago, when tragedy hit my family, what stuck with me wasn't the food or the hospitality or the people lending a hand. It was that people cared, and I wasn't alone.
Script
"Hey, just thinking of you."
"How are you processing everything that's happening?"
"I don't know how this all plays out either, but we can figure it out together."
"No response needed, just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you."
Watch out for
Donating to relief is great, and it doesn't replace a direct message to the person you know.
No Need To Respond: End check-ins with "no need to respond." Taking away the obligation makes people feel cared for, and they reply more often.
The Smooch: The smallest possible touchpoint, and the one I've seen work best: 'Hey! You came to mind this morning. Hope you're doing well!'
Who Have You Been Avoiding?: Pick the people you've been avoiding, send each a simple hello right now, and notice the dread was worse than the reply.
Event-Driven Outreach: Use moments in their life, from new jobs and kids' milestones to illness and loss, as reasons to reach out between your regular check-ins.