Relationship work is important but never urgent, so it loses to email every time unless you deliberately schedule it.
The idea
Important work moves the needle and gets planned. Urgent work is time-sensitive and usually reacts to someone else. Urgent wins, every time. In one study, 71% of people said they're interrupted frequently at work, and 56% of those said they leave feeling they didn't accomplish much. Our brains love the quick reward of clearing an urgent thing. Relationships live in the important, not-urgent quadrant. A past client doesn't care if you reach out today or next month, but your mindshare shrinks the whole time. In my coaching we put it more bluntly: your brain runs on Now and Not Now, and Not Now really means never, unless it's scheduled.
How to do it
Write down everything on your plate this week, personal and business.
Run each item through four questions, in this order of thinking:
- Do I need to be doing this at all? Delete it. - Can someone else do it? Delegate it. - Can it go on the calendar at a set time? Schedule it. - Do I need to do it now? Do it.
Relationship work almost always lands in "schedule it." Give it a recurring block.
Practice on five tasks right now without overthinking. The point is practicing how you sort, and it creates a sense of ease even when the list is long.
Example
Drop all the things you want to do into the Eisenhower matrix. Then drop in what you actually do all day, scrolling cat videos included. Where do you want to spend your time, and where are you actually spending it? Most of what lands in your inbox is other people deciding what you should do next.
Watch out for
Treating fast replies as productivity. Clearing the inbox feels like accomplishment. Ask whether anything important moved.
The Hour of Power: Block a recurring hour, label it HOUR OF POWER, ignore email and calls, and spend it working on your relationships instead of in your inbox.
The Recurring Calendar Appointment: Pick a regular time based on your energy and calendar gaps, make it a recurring appointment, and defend it.
The Rollercoaster: When business booms we neglect future relationships, then scramble in the lull. Ask every day what you can do right now for future you.
Do It on the Spot: When an intro or something to share comes up mid-conversation, do it right then instead of promising to; if it takes under 90 seconds, do it now.