A slightly intense shared experience bonds people faster than polite chat, and even an event that goes wrong becomes a story you share.
The idea
Trust comes from shared context, and the strongest shared context is a shared experience. It's no coincidence that fraternity pledges and military recruits suffer together: research shows shared pain bonds people fast. The more intense the experience, the tighter the bond. You don't need hazing. A little shared discomfort, novelty or fun does the trick, and side by side beats face to face. Each experience becomes a social object, a memory the group owns together. Even the disasters count.
How to do it
Swap the default (a restaurant private room, a bar tab, a wine tasting) for something people would never think to do on their own.
Build it around who you are and something you genuinely love.
Add a mild challenge or an activity: spicy food, a new sport, an escape room, a walk instead of a table.
Afterward, invoke the memory. "Went back to that restaurant we tried. Still terrible!"
Example
I don't drink wine, so when I wanted to reconnect with a group of people, a wine dinner was out. But I do love hot sauce. I'd been up nights cradling my newborn daughter, watching the YouTube show where celebrities answer interview questions while working through progressively hotter hot sauces. So I bought the sauces, wrote fun questions and invited people who mostly didn't know each other. Through the sweating and the in-the-moment hatred of me, everyone left thick as thieves. Another time, I took a group to a mansion in Virginia and hired a champion frisbee instructor. We spent the afternoon stuck inside watching the rain. It was terrible, and now it's something we all joke about.
Watch out for
Confusing budget with experience. The Savannah Bananas get a stadium dancing by letting a toddler lead it. Intention matters more than production value.
Going too intense. Many of the people I want to get closer to cannot handle ghost peppers. Less intense shared experiences bond people too.
Social Objects: Interactions revolve around shared objects, stories and details. Collect them and create them, because they become your reasons to connect.
Side by Side: Trust grows fastest through shared experience, so add an activity, like a walk, a game or a hot sauce challenge, to plain conversation.
Curate Hard: Who's in the room makes or breaks an event. Curate the guest list carefully and pick a venue with character over the default ballroom.
The 7:47 Dinner: Guests cook together on a precise clock, then each names someone they don't thank enough, and that gratitude opens the door to deeper talk.