Your energy is finite; saying no to most people lets you show up fully for the ones you say yes to.
The idea
Your emotional energy is finite. Spread it too thin and you can't show up authentically for anyone, yourself included. The more often you say no, the more you value (and can actually help) the people you say yes to. And a yes from someone who never says no tells you nothing.
How to do it
Say no to someone this week. It sounds harsh, I know. Pick one:
- Decline an upcoming calendar invite, and explain why. - Turn down a request to meet. - Remove someone from your contact list.
Example
I almost always do double opt-in introductions, and honestly, I expect people to say yes, so it stings when someone says no. At a conference in Ojai, Ryan Holiday talked about doing timeless work, and one ingredient was being relentless about saying no. Later that week a line lodged itself permanently in my head: "Never trust a yes from someone who never tells you no."
Watch out for
Being selective is honesty about your own energy and capacity. It says nothing about anyone's worth as a human being.
A/B/C Spheres: Sort everyone into three tiers by gut feeling (love, like, don't know) and spend more time on A's than B's, and more on B's than C's.
Seasons of Your Network: Diagnose your season (planting, nurturing, harvesting or hibernating), match your effort to it, and give yourself permission to say no when it's winter.
The Down Escalator: Every relationship rides a down escalator, so ending one just means stepping off; stop investing, decline politely, never ghost, and leave the door open.
Addition by Subtraction: The fewer people you actively focus on, the more you can do for each; keep everyone in your database and let software watch the rest.