The whole system in miniature: who should I talk to, when should I talk to them, and what can I do to maintain the relationship?
The idea
There are three questions we're always asking. Who should I talk to? When should I talk to them? What can I do to maintain the relationship? I used to think number three meant loads of research, Cutco knives and courtside seats. Now it's as simple as "Can I help? All good? You need anything?", which Hollywood agent Ari Emanuel sends to hundreds of his contacts every day. Or "smooch," from Tasshin's guide to friendship: a simple "just thinking of you." In my coaching we found one easy answer to all three at once: gratitude. Prioritize someone you're grateful for, reach out the moment you feel it (and any time later), and say thank you.
How to do it
Who: scroll back through your texts, call history, LinkedIn or sent email until you hit someone you had a good connection with but haven't spoken to in a while.
When: now.
What: if you have something specific to say, say it. If you draw a blank, send the smooch.
Stuck on all three? Think of someone you're grateful for and tell them.
Script
"Hey! You came to mind this morning. Hope you're doing well!"
Example
Picture plowing through internal email when your phone buzzes. It's someone you had coffee with months ago and hit it off with, then never stayed in touch. The text just says: "Hey, you just came to mind this morning. Hope you're great!" How does that feel? Four or five years ago I'd have thought it too simple to be effective. I'm a convert now.
Watch out for
Letting "what do I say" block the send. Most of us draw a blank most of the time, and the smooch is enough.
The Smooch: The smallest possible touchpoint, and the one I've seen work best: 'Hey! You came to mind this morning. Hope you're doing well!'
The Gratitude System: Gratitude answers all three questions: who to contact, when, and what to say. List who helped with each win and act on it.
The CAPITAL Strategy: Seven linked steps for building relationship capital: C (Consistent execution), A (Aggregate), P (Prioritize), I (Investigate), T (Timely engagement), A (Add value), L (Leverage).
A/B/C Spheres: Sort everyone into three tiers by gut feeling (love, like, don't know) and spend more time on A's than B's, and more on B's than C's.