You're So Typical

mindset and fear · principle

Most people feel bad at staying in touch, including the people you've drifted from. Swap "I" for "most people" and reach out anyway.

The idea

Most of my conversations with people who want to get better at relationships start with a confession. "I haven't done a good job staying in touch with past clients." "I'm never sure what to say." "I feel bad because it's been so long." My response: good news and bad news. You're not a unique snowflake. Replace "I" with "most people." That means you're not alone, the solutions already exist, and most importantly, the people you've drifted from probably struggle the same way. Losing touch is almost never one-sided. The project ended, you both moved on, and now you're both sitting on the same guilt, each assuming the other is annoyed. Two people, both waiting for permission. Might as well be you who breaks the ice.

How to do it

  1. Catch the "I'm the only one" thought and restate it: "Most people struggle with this."
  2. Open your CRM or your texts and sort by least recently contacted.
  3. Find the name that makes you wince a little. That's your person.
  4. Send a short message, with no apology.

Example

Years ago I spent ten minutes unloading a decade of anxieties on a coach, convinced something was truly wrong with me. He chuckled and said, "You're so typical." Then he said it four more times. At first it stung. Then I calmed down. He saw high-performing founders like me all the time, and there was nothing uniquely wrong with me. I now pass that gift on three or four times a week.

Script

"Hey, you popped into my head today. How's everything going on your end?"

Watch out for

Sources

Related frameworks

Read next

By Zvi Band. Newsletter: Your Network Starts with You. Book: Success Is in Your Sphere.