Guilt is feeling bad about what you did; shame is about who you are. Shame drives avoidance, so drop it and restart small.
The idea
In my coaching we drew a hard line: guilt is OK, shame is not. Guilt is feeling badly about what we did. Shame is feeling badly about who we are. When we fall short, shame shows up, our ego jumps in to protect us from feeling bad, and the easiest protection is avoiding the thing entirely. That's how investing in your network earns a permanent spot on the "should do" list. Should becomes didn't, and didn't becomes "I feel really bad about it and should just give up."
The good news: nobody cares. If you haven't reached out in months, the other person isn't stewing at their kitchen table about it. If anything, they feel they should have reached out to you.
How to do it
Name the feeling. "I didn't send those messages" is guilt. "I'm terrible at this" is shame.
Let go of the shame. It leads straight to more inaction.
Do one tiny thing now: update one contact, or send one "thinking of you."
Remember the other person may carry the same shame about you.
Example
A reader emailed me: he'd been paying for Relatable for months but kept procrastinating, did one round of 6-12 LinkedIn messages, set up reminders, followed them once and fell off. I've received hundreds of emails like it. I used to read them as proof I'd built a bad product, which sent me into a spiral of self-loathing and a styrofoam tray of gas-station nachos. My answer now: you're human, nobody is angry at you, and you can pick back up any time.
Watch out for
Expect a small sting of pride the day you finally write that email. Push through it. Pride only hurts.
Falling Off the Wagon: When you lapse, give yourself grace, drop the backlog, and restart right away with one tiny action, like a single email.
You're So Typical: Most people feel bad at staying in touch, including the people you've drifted from. Swap "I" for "most people" and reach out anyway.
It's Never Been Too Long: Relationships have no expiration date. After any gap, assume they'll be happy to hear from you, and reach out with no agenda.
Who Do I Need to Forgive Today?: Add one journaling question, "Who or what do I need to forgive today?", to clear the grudges and guilt that quietly block outreach.