Retire "How can I help?" and "What's up?" Ask about their biggest challenge, what you'll celebrate a year from now, or who they want to meet.
The idea
"How can I help you?" sounds generous, but it's lazy and broad. It sounds like you're offering a medical referral, a delicious taco or room service. Most people don't know how you could help, and without a real connection, why would they work it out for you? "What's up?" is worse: boring, and it dumps the job of carrying the conversation on them. A specific question gets a real answer. Either "No, but I'll keep that in mind" or "Actually, yes..." Both put you in the position of helping, whatever your seniority.
How to do it
Drop the generic offer.
Use one specific question from the Script below.
Follow up on what they say, especially if they show a more human side. That's where the good stuff is.
Example
Clay Hebert, an expert connector, has the best one I know, the Champagne Moment. It's fun, it invites them to share something they care about, and it asks them to imagine the two of you still connected a year out, which is a first step toward exactly that.
Script
"Imagine you and I are sitting here in a year with a bottle of champagne. What are we celebrating?"
"What's the biggest challenge in your business right now?" (adapted)
"What's one mess in your life you need solved?" (adapted)
"Who's someone you're hoping to meet right now?" (adapted)
"What's most exciting you these days?"
Watch out for
People will still ask you "How can I help?" Have your own ask ready.
For the "What's new?" and "How are you?" problem at events, use better openers.
Don't Ask, Know: Instead of asking how to help, review their goals, industry, hiring, life events and news, then show up with something specific.
Highlight-of-Your-Week Openers: Swap 'How are you?' for 'What's been the highlight of your week so far?' or 'What's exciting you the most these days?'
Have Your Ask Ready: Prepare a one-line, specific answer to "what would be most valuable for you?" and put it in your signature and bios.
The Coffee Meeting Questions: Run coffee meetings on two questions: what are you working on, and what's your biggest challenge? Then make a specific offer.