Swap 'How are you?' for 'What's been the highlight of your week so far?' or 'What's exciting you the most these days?'
Most conversations open with "heyhowzitgoin," and the answer is "Fine, just really busy." You learn nothing. The first few seconds set the tone for everything after, so spend them well. "What's been the highlight of your week so far?" and "What's exciting you the most these days?" invite people to share something positive and real, and they open a window into what's occupying them: a job hunt, a big move, a new hobby, a book. Most people are dying for someone to go deeper. They just don't want to be the weirdo who risks it.
Our weekly leadership meetings mostly deal with what's broken, so we deliberately start by pointing out a few things that are going well. Some people inevitably want to rush through it. And when I give keynotes about events, my first piece of advice for making a friend in the room is to skip the usual opener and ask, "Hey! So what was the highlight of your week so far?" (Trust me on this.)
"So what's been the highlight of your week so far?"
"What's exciting you the most these days?"
"What's the most fun thing you've done in the last month?"
"What are you most looking forward to this year?"