Relationship building isn't hard; doing it steadily for years is. Small actions repeated often beat occasional big efforts every time.
The idea
Relationship building isn't rocket science. In the book I wrote that doing it continuously, over days, months and years, was what we saw as 98% of the challenge. My newsletter version: small actions, done repeatedly, will always beat sporadic bursts of intense activity. Consistency beats intensity, every single time. The friendship research points the same way. Hours together matter, but the frequency of touchpoints matters more, so three coffee meetings over six months beats one long dinner. A simple text asking how someone's project is going can spark a connection, while long lunches and extravagant gift baskets are forgotten after time.
How to do it
Pick a daily minimum: two contacts, or 750 seconds (12.5 minutes) of networking.
Schedule recurring touchpoints. Monthly coffee with five people beats networking events with fifty strangers. Quarterly is the minimum.
Lower the stakes. A 20-minute coffee works.
Bridge the gaps between meetings with micro-touchpoints: send an article, share an introduction.
Set a reminder to do it again tomorrow.
Example
Last month I grabbed a 20-minute coffee with someone I'd met twice before. We complained about our projects and swapped a podcast recommendation. I'd bet that six months from now we'll be actual friends and collaborators, because we keep showing up.
Watch out for
The weekend database binge: five hours organizing, a feeling of accomplishment, then nothing until next New Year's.
Confusing hours with closeness. People who spent 400-600 hours together at work still considered each other acquaintances.
The Straight Math of Habits: Two outreaches a day is 730 people a year; ten contacts organized a day is 3,650. Small and daily beats the occasional marathon.
750 Seconds a Day: Spend about 12.5 minutes a day on micro-actions, flagging a few people and sending quick texts, instead of long occasional catch-up sessions.
Mindshare Decay: After you meet someone, the odds they think of you slide toward zero unless periodic, valuable touchpoints push the line back up.
CAPITAL: Consistent Execution: The most important letter in CAPITAL: build the habit, schedule the work and restart after slips, because relationships pay off over years.