Outreach fear comes from tying the outcome to your worth, avoiding to stay safe, and imagining the worst rejection ever.
The idea
In my coaching, the surface fears were nearly always the same three: they won't respond, I'll be annoying (or salesy), I don't know what to say. Underneath them sat three drivers:
Attachment. If this outreach fails, I'm a failure.
Aversion. If I avoid it, I can't get hurt, even if avoiding hurts me in the long run.
Catastrophizing. This rejection will be the biggest ever, and it'll feel unbearable. As if calling a past client could leave you alone and homeless.
Together that's our six-item send-blocker list. The drivers feed each other and keep driving inaction. Your brain is doing its old job of protecting you. Now that protection is what's holding you back.
How to do it
Before you send, name the surface blocker: no response, annoying, or don't know what to say.
Find the driver under it: attachment, aversion or catastrophizing.
Answer it with a counter-mantra: "Feelings aren't facts." "Behavior breaks the narrative." "I'm only responsible for my second thought and first action."
Break the pattern with action. Pick three people you'd feel weird reaching out to, and say hello.
Example
"What if I'm too salesy?" I hear that one at least three times a week. Ask which driver is underneath. Is the fear that a no would say something about you (attachment)? That staying quiet is safer (aversion)? Or that this one message will blow up the relationship forever (catastrophizing)?
Script
"Hello, how are you? Always here to help." (adapted from an exercise in my coaching)
Second Thought, First Action: You can't control the first fearful thought about reaching out. You own the second thought and the first action.
The Awareness Drill: Type the message, pause before sending, name the fears that come up, then count down from five and send.
Who Have You Been Avoiding?: Pick the people you've been avoiding, send each a simple hello right now, and notice the dread was worse than the reply.
Divorce the Action From the Result: You control the outreach, never the reply or the result, so judge yourself on whether you reached out and how well you swung.