Ask whether a meeting is for connection or a transaction; meet in person for the first, use video or a call for the second.
The idea
Video replaced a lot of miserable travel, and now plenty of us never go back to meeting in person. Meeting in person still builds more trust, through eye contact and nonverbal cues, and causes fewer misunderstandings. In the book, face-to-face is "the biggest investment but the biggest impact," and Susan RoAne calls video a bridge when geography makes in-person impossible. To decide, I ask one question: is this for a connection, or for a transaction?
How to do it
Before booking, ask the question.
Connection (a first meeting, catching up with a colleague or collaborator): do your best to meet in person.
Transaction (they want advice, or you're discussing a specific opportunity): book a Zoom, or just call each other. Apparently iPhones still do that.
If you have to draw the line somewhere, build the relationship in person first.
Example
Ask any East Coast entrepreneur about landing from a redeye out of SFO and wondering where to shower before heading into the office. Zoom fixed that. But some friction is the point. A client recently asked if I'd meet them 15 minutes away, and I could tell they expected me to say no because of a "stacked day." Driving across town says I care enough to invest in this.
Script
Instead of "we should grab dinner sometime": "I'm free Thursday night. Want to actually grab dinner?"
Watch out for
Letting convenience decide. A Calendly link and a 30-minute Zoom is efficient, and it keeps you a mile wide and an inch deep.
Bring Back a Little Friction: Some friction is the point. Driving across town or naming a dinner night says you care enough to invest, so sometimes choose the less efficient option.
Five Alternatives to Coffee: Instead of coffee: take a walk, go to their favorite spot, cowork, attend a talk together, or discuss one question in a small group.
Side by Side: Trust grows fastest through shared experience, so add an activity, like a walk, a game or a hot sauce challenge, to plain conversation.