One table, one conversation, one topic: the whole group engages on a single theme, so a small dinner becomes one shared conversation.
The idea
I host what are called Jeffersonian dinners (named after Thomas Jefferson, who was apparently a problematic historical figure and also a dinner party innovator). The format is simple: one table, one conversation, one topic. Everyone engages on a single theme, where a normal table splinters into five conversations about nothing. It works because people are thirsting for social rules and structure. They want permission to go deeper and some guidance on how to show up. When everyone knows the rules, they prepare mentally, show up differently and leave having actually connected.
How to do it
Keep it to one table and one conversation.
Pick one theme. It can be light or deep.
Let people know the rules, so they arrive ready for it.
Example
The topic could be as simple as "What's been surprising you lately?" or as specific as "How has your relationship with money evolved?" Either one gets a table off Netflix shows and sports teams and onto the big questions people are walking around with anyway.
Watch out for
Nerves about suggesting it. The same trick works as for a coffee agenda: blame my newsletter. "I read something weird that said we should have an agenda..."
Pop-Up Rules: Fill the vacuum of social norms at your gathering: say up front what you'll talk about, what's off the table and how the bill splits.
Table Prompts: Give the whole table one prompt to answer in turn, like 'what are you constantly thinking about these days?' or 'if you really knew me, you'd know...'
The Agenda Opener: Open social meetings with 'What I'd love to talk about today is...' to nudge a catch-up toward something meaningful.
The 7:47 Dinner: Guests cook together on a precise clock, then each names someone they don't thank enough, and that gratitude opens the door to deeper talk.