Fill the vacuum of social norms at your gathering: say up front what you'll talk about, what's off the table and how the bill splits.
The idea
We used to belong to common institutions (church, synagogue, mosque, the bowling league) that came with built-in norms. You knew what was fair game and what the room valued. Most of us have lost that shared context, so when six people sit down to dinner, nobody knows what's OK to bring up, and everyone hovers on the surface. Priya Parker's answer in The Art of Gathering is "pop-up rules": fill the vacuum with norms of your own, even for an hour or two. Most people are dying for someone to go deeper. They just don't want to be the weirdo who goes first. As the host, you can be that person.
How to do it
Small leap. On your next call or coffee, skip "how are you" and open with one real question from your back pocket. That single question sets the tone.
Big leap. For the next dinner you host, tell guests in advance what you'll discuss, what's off the table (politics is usually number one) and how you're splitting the bill.
Example
Remember the Zoom happy hours of 2020? Twelve faces staring at each other in silence until someone mercifully brought up sourdough or their kids. We blamed Zoom, but the real problem was that nobody had set any norms. I've been doing pop-up rules for years now, dozens of times, and people are relieved every time. They wanted permission to have a real conversation.
Script
"What's the most fun thing you've done in the last month?"
"What are you most looking forward to this year?"
Watch out for
Confusing norms with forced facilitation. "Everyone share your bio and what you need help with" kills a room. See create-space-not-scripts.
Expecting it not to feel awkward the first time. It will, a little, like being the first to order at a restaurant nobody's tried.
Connection Happens in the Margins: Forced bios and "what do you need help with?" go-arounds kill a room. Give people space and time to get to know each other first.
The Jeffersonian Dinner: One table, one conversation, one topic: the whole group engages on a single theme, so a small dinner becomes one shared conversation.
Table Prompts: Give the whole table one prompt to answer in turn, like 'what are you constantly thinking about these days?' or 'if you really knew me, you'd know...'
The Agenda Opener: Open social meetings with 'What I'd love to talk about today is...' to nudge a catch-up toward something meaningful.