If you resist a relationship task, shrink it instead of skipping it. The easier the work, the more likely you'll repeat it.
The idea
The habit writers I lean on, Nir Eyal, Charles Duhigg and B.J. Fogg, would all agree on one point: the harder the work, the less often you'll repeat it. So when you feel a lot of resistance to a task, do less of it instead of skipping it. Fogg makes new habits so tiny (flossing a single tooth) that there's nothing to resist. Lighten the load until the engine is humming, then add weight slowly. If it starts to sputter, ease off before it stalls. We picture relationship work as a monstrous task needing big blocks of time, when most of it breaks into small steps, sometimes less than a minute each.
How to do it
Keep each action short. The bigger the hole in your calendar, the more likely you'll give it up to something time-sensitive.
Keep it mentally light. Think microwaved frozen pizza, not a quiche from scratch.
Template or automate anything you repeat, so your energy goes to original thought.
Size it to where you are. A recent grad and a 55-year-old rainmaker will run very different routines. Park the advanced tactics until you're ready for them.
Example
In the book I asked readers to picture a first-year lawyer who decides to send 15 handwritten cards a day, take a 30-minute call with an old acquaintance and have an hour-long lunch with someone new. He'd likely burn out halfway through the first day. Compare that with what I tell incoming my coaching classes: you'll easily update 20 contacts in 5 minutes. When a few people scoff, I know we recruited the right students.
Watch out for
Shrinking to zero. One is always better than none.
Sustainable Pace: Commit to a level you can keep in your craziest weeks, like one email and one call a day, instead of a heroic plan that collapses.
CAPITAL: Leverage: Get more relationship output from a fixed amount of time: limit people and investment, template, use recipes, automate carefully, delegate.
Simple Systems Win: The tactic that works is almost always tiny and simple, and simple still takes consistent effort. Remove things before adding them.