Pick an anchor you enjoy, shrink the new behavior until it's trivial, and celebrate the moment you do it.
The idea
B.J. Fogg's Tiny Habits was the backbone of how we built habits in my coaching (my coaching partner Lance Pendleton studied with him). It has three parts. The Anchor is something you already do that reminds you of the new habit. The Tiny Behavior is the simplest possible version of that habit. The Celebration is a small win, claimed right away. We repeat what we enjoy, and the instant positive feedback keeps you in the present instead of fretting about everything you didn't do. As we put it, optimize yourself for the starting line.
How to do it
A, Anchor: pick a moment you already do daily and actually enjoy.
B, Tiny Behavior: shrink the habit until it's almost silly. One contact. One text. One sentence.
C, Celebrate: right after, tell yourself "Great job!" and mean it.
Write it as one line: "Whenever I [anchor], I [tiny behavior]. Then I [celebrate]."
Let it grow on its own. Doing one is fantastic.
Example
Our classic example: "I want to move my body more. Whenever I start the coffee maker, I do 5 squats. And I tell myself 'Great job!'" You don't have to do 5. Even 1 counts. Pretty soon it comes naturally. Applied to your network, the same shape might read: "Whenever I start the coffee maker, I text one person who came to mind. And I tell myself 'Great job!'"
Watch out for
A dreaded anchor. If you pick "when I fold my laundry," you'll struggle. (And if you enjoy folding laundry, let's talk about a trade.)
Skipping the celebration. We repeat behaviors we enjoy, and the instant positive feedback is what builds the loop.
The Association Hack: Attach five minutes of relationship work to something you already do every day, like your first coffee, so the old habit triggers the new one.
Cue, Routine, Reward: Make relationship work a habit with a reliable trigger, an easy routine and an immediate reward, so you do it without deciding to.
The Habit-Building Recipe: Name the habit, make it tiny, ramp up slowly, calendar it, anchor it, add a carrot or stick, and get someone to hold you accountable.
Do Less of the Task: If you resist a relationship task, shrink it instead of skipping it. The easier the work, the more likely you'll repeat it.