Watch for clues someone is struggling (energy shifts, avoided topics, repeated themes) and adjust how you show up, without fixing or prying.
The idea
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle." (Ian Maclaren, though some credit Plato or Socrates. Pick whichever philosopher you're vibing with.) You can cover someone's job, weekend plans and favorite show over a few coffees and still miss what's going on underneath. The executive who mentions working late "as usual." The entrepreneur who deflects every personal question. The referral partner who seems distracted. None of it is yours to fix. Noticing it helps you show up with genuine care.
How to do it
Watch for energy shifts on certain topics.
Listen for repeated themes: constant "crazy busy," apologizing for things that need no apology.
Notice what they steer away from.
Share something slightly vulnerable and see whether they match you or pivot somewhere safer.
Adjust. Acknowledge the expertise of someone struggling with self-worth. Don't push for details with someone grieving. Protect the time of someone overwhelmed.
Example
Three from my own life. A friend who lost their father six months ago seems fine, but goes quiet when people talk about weekend plans with family, so I don't push, and I don't take declined invitations personally. A friend who name-drops constantly turned out to be convincing himself he mattered. Once I saw that, I acknowledged his connections genuinely, and the relationship got infinitely easier. And when a friend with invitation anxiety found out I was hosting a dinner they weren't invited to, I gave them a very specific reason, so the anxiety had something concrete to hold.
Watch out for
Never use what you notice to manipulate or gain advantage.
You're not their therapist. Sometimes the best support is simply not adding to their load.
Listen With Your Eyes: In important conversations, split your attention between words and body language. Practice by guessing strangers' emotional states in a coffee shop.
Crisis Outreach: In hard times, say you're thinking of them, don't ask for updates, and make a specific offer instead of "let me know if you need anything."
Connect With the Whole Human: Treat prospects, colleagues and friends the same way, with genuine interest in the person behind the title and the professional facade.
Notes the Recorder Can't Take: Let AI keep the transcript, then spend two minutes on four questions: how you feel, when their energy shifted, your energy, what to remember.