Turn traffic, weather or weekend-plans talk into a real question, like why they live where they live.
The idea
Larry David: "I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk." Same here. Traffic, weather and weekend plans are doors, and one extra question opens them. "Where do you live?" usually gets a one-line answer. "Why do you live there?" gets a story, because there's always a story, and most people like telling it. (Except people from Texas. Born there, staying there. I can't explain it.)
How to do it
Listen for the throwaway comment.
Convert it with one follow-up:
- "Traffic was brutal" -> "Where do you live? Why there?" - The weather -> "What's your favorite season?" or "What do you like doing when it's like this?" - "Happy Friday" -> "Any plans this weekend?" - "Just watching football" -> "Who are you rooting for?" or "What does your family usually do on weekends?"
Follow whatever makes them light up. If they show a more human side, stay there.
Afterward, jot down the detail. It's a reason to reach out later.
Example
On the way out of a coffee with a recruiting candidate, I asked about his weekend plans. His son was playing in a free-throw tournament. I wrote that down, and it turned into a basketball on his doorstep and, a week later, an introduction (see social-objects).
Small Talk Is Load-Bearing: Small talk builds the trust that deals run on and surfaces the personal details you'll use later. Don't skip it.
The Follow-Up Question: Find the most interesting thing about someone that they don't lead with, ask about it, then ask a follow-up. Don't pivot to yourself.
Social Objects: Interactions revolve around shared objects, stories and details. Collect them and create them, because they become your reasons to connect.
Get Past the Press Release: 'How's the company?' gets you the press release. Follow with how they're doing personally, their challenges, and 'What's next?'