Be fully present, say what's true for you in the moment, then stay with the other person's response instead of retreating into politeness.
The idea
Jordan Myska Allen, founder of Circle Anywhere, uses the word "relateful": relating plus mindful, being present in relationship. Some people are great at showing up and saying what's true for them but don't really listen. Others listen beautifully but never show up. Relatefulness is doing both at once. Most relationships run on politeness, which is fine until it gets oppressive (you say thank you whether you feel it or not). Jordan's alternative: say what's real, while still caring about the other person.
How to do it
Name what's happening inside you: "I feel sad hearing that."
Watch the moment right after. In Jordan's view the key moment comes after the courageous first share: it's what you do with their response.
Before giving advice, name the impulse and ask what they want: "I noticed that I want to cheer you up, but I don't even know if you want to be cheered up. What's it like to be sad?"
Don't wait for a perfect topic. Whatever you've got is usually enough, even "I want a deeper connection with you and I don't know how to get it."
Example
This one is Jordan's story. A friend told him about a mentor of hers who had died. He said he felt so sad. She apologized for making him feel that way. That was the key moment. The polite move was "Oh, that's OK." Instead he told her he loved feeling it, that it felt important, and that he felt more connected to her. She opened right up, because he'd given her permission to be completely real with him.
Watch out for
Don't swing the other way into only your perspective. The person who's always giving advice and never lets you get a word in is, in Jordan's words, insanely annoying.
The 15% Rule: Share about 15% more than feels comfortable to crack the professional facade. People are waiting for someone else to go deeper first.
The Presence Advantage: Presence is scarce, so it stands out: phone away, let AI take notes, listen without preparing a reply, ask one more follow-up, let pauses sit.
Listen With Your Eyes: In important conversations, split your attention between words and body language. Practice by guessing strangers' emotional states in a coffee shop.
Connect With the Whole Human: Treat prospects, colleagues and friends the same way, with genuine interest in the person behind the title and the professional facade.